I’ve been feeling all out of sorts lately, like pretty Kiddywampus in many aspects of my life. And it’s the best word I can think of for just feeling out of alignment. Maybe you’ve had similar days?
Spiritually: It’s been rough. God and I were not on speaking terms for a little while following the death of a dear friend just over a month ago. It was good that I had the 31 Days series to focus on because I was not ready to deal with writing about it.
It was unexpected; I thought she would be healed. The healing came on the other side of heaven. I thought my faith was solid but this really shook me at my core. But God. He really is kind and gentle and patient with me and really who else could I possibly turn to in my grief but THE comforter?
So now I’ve had some time to process, to be sad and grieve but also to go back and be reminded that I need to trust His faithfulness.
Mentally: I’m tired. I’ve been diligently working on my book which I’m hoping to be released by the end of the year. Will share more soon but this has stretched me way out of my comfort zone but has also been really good. I’m simultaneously terrified and excited. Yes that is totally possible.
Physically: The weather’s turned cold and my body gets a little extra achy when that happens so self-care is demanding my attention.
Emotionally: I’m a little drained. With so much bad news every day and the incessant commentary on the bad news; it can feel overwhelming. My heart hurts for Paris but really for the world.
Because we’re all broken.
And even prayers or who we’re praying for can get turned into points of contention.
So what do I do when I feel “off”? I turn to the Lord first and listen (or try to listen) for next steps. This time He tells me “Coach, coach yourself”. Great, thanks Lord.
But I know what He means. Because if you know me or have worked with me, you know I’m big on values. At some point we may have even gone through a values exercise together.
I think living wholeheartedly means keeping a clear sense of our personal core values and seeking to live them out.
Mine include faith, family, kindness, simplicity, and growth/learning.
I’m feeling kiddywampus because I have not been consistent in living out my own values.
Instead I get off track; distracted by what others are doing and saying.
I’m seeing and hearing a whole of unkindness even among people who claim to love Jesus and that makes me sad but all I can actually do is live out my own values.
As a person of faith and someone who wants to live out my faith, I believe I am called to point people to Jesus. I am not called to interpret what their own faith should look like or judge whether they are acting like good Christians but just to point and hopefully reflect something of God’s character that might seem appealing and that would create a desire for others to know Him better too.
So maybe you’re feeling a little tired, or overwhelmed by all of the noise too. Can I just invite you to join me in living out YOUR values too? They don’t have to be anything like mine they just have to be what’s most important to you.
Sometimes we get all kiddywampus from looking at in too many directions at what others are doing.
But the key to a life of alignment is to close the gap between beliefs/values and actions. To live with integrity.
My prayer is that we stop looking at what our neighbor is doing and keep our eyes on the path set before us.
I think we could accomplish a lot more that way.
Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways. Proverbs 4:26
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