It has been a while since I’ve posted, the last few weeks have been busy but good. I promise I’ll share some updates soon but tonight I thought I’d jump in with a little Five Minute Friday to get back into writing.
Here are the Five Minute Friday rules again: We write for five minutes flat. All on the same prompt that Lisa Jo posts at one minute past midnight EST ever Friday. No major editing (so forgive grammar/spelling mistakes) Just unscripted, unedited, real words.
I celebrated my 36th birthday last Friday; it was a lovely, perfectly mellow day with little excitement. Just the way I like it.
Birthdays are always kind of tricky for me. One the one hand I love them, not just my own but birthdays in general. I love celebrating that blessing that is life.
One the other hand they can be a little uncomfortable as they serve as reminders that I have spent much of my adult life well. . . trying to feel like an adult.
Waiting to “feel” what exactly? Mature enough? Wise enough? Accomplished enough?
I believe a lot my insecurities stem from being a young mom and having all of my (well meaning) older loved ones wanting to step in and help. While I appreciate it, I think it instilled something in me that said “you’re not ready yet. . .” and I’ve been waiting to be invited to the “old enough” club ever since.
But now the years have passed and I’ve been a mom almost half as long as I’ve been alive and at 36 I feel ready to own it. To stop looking over my shoulder for approval.
I don’t know exactly what I expected my life to look like at 36. Over the years I’ve tried on different identities, chased after various idols, and struggled with letting go of burdens that should never have been mine to carry. There have been seasons where I have felt incredibly far away from God and from my true self.
But, as I begin my 36th year I’m walking forward in confidence, though I’m not exactly where I’d like to be; I’m finally feeling like I’m getting pretty close. . .