Five Minute Friday- Close
It has been a while since I’ve posted, the last few weeks have been busy but good. I promise I’ll share some updates soon but tonight I thought I’d jump in with a little Five Minute Friday to get back into writing.
Here are the Five Minute Friday rules again: We write for five minutes flat. All on the same prompt that Lisa Jo posts at one minute past midnight EST ever Friday. No major editing (so forgive grammar/spelling mistakes) Just unscripted, unedited, real words.
I celebrated my 36th birthday last Friday; it was a lovely, perfectly mellow day with little excitement. Just the way I like it.
Birthdays are always kind of tricky for me. One the one hand I love them, not just my own but birthdays in general. I love celebrating that blessing that is life.
One the other hand they can be a little uncomfortable as they serve as reminders that I have spent much of my adult life well. . . trying to feel like an adult.
Waiting to “feel” what exactly? Mature enough? Wise enough? Accomplished enough?
Enough?
I believe a lot my insecurities stem from being a young mom and having all of my (well meaning) older loved ones wanting to step in and help. While I appreciate it, I think it instilled something in me that said “you’re not ready yet. . .” and I’ve been waiting to be invited to the “old enough” club ever since.
But now the years have passed and I’ve been a mom almost half as long as I’ve been alive and at 36 I feel ready to own it. To stop looking over my shoulder for approval.
I don’t know exactly what I expected my life to look like at 36. Over the years I’ve tried on different identities, chased after various idols, and struggled with letting go of burdens that should never have been mine to carry. There have been seasons where I have felt incredibly far away from God and from my true self.
But, as I begin my 36th year I’m walking forward in confidence, though I’m not exactly where I’d like to be; I’m finally feeling like I’m getting pretty close. . .
Zohary (what a beautiful name!), I love being in my thirties. It’s hard, but I feel much more myself with each year. I don’t have kids yet, so I don’t know the experience of having siblings (I have one) looking over my shoulder to “help,” but I feel much more able to own it (life, mission, vocation), as you say, now more than before. Belated happy birthday!
Hi Jessica, Thanks so much for your sweet comment. Yup, I definitely think there’s something to the 30s, here’s to “owning it”!
My sweet Zohary! Every season has its perks but I wonder if we ever feel like we’ve arrived. Every time I think I have this life thing figured out…I realize I don’t. And that’s fine with me – if I’m a student I’ll be a student of the Lord. But…at 48 I do own my experience as a woman of God and that feels really good. Here’s to stepping into your big girl panties with grace and style. Here’s to owning your fabulous YOU! and Belated Birthday Blessings!
Lisha! Girl, I’m sure we never feel like truly “arrive”, until we get to our true home with the Father, we are after-all just passing through here. . .But for now, I’m “owning it”, it being whatever He’s calling me to 🙂
You make 40s look so good! I hope I can be as fabulous as you! XO
i really connect with this. i feel that way all the time. for real. you stated it perfectly!!! way to put my mind of being invited to the “old enough club” not that i want to be old enough, but confident enough! i loved this
Summer, thanks for your sweet comment. I’m so glad my words resonated with you. Here’s to feeling “confident” in our own skins (and ages) and letting go of the “____ enoughs”. Blessings!
Way to own it Zohary! The fact is, I don’t believe any of us is really *ready* for motherhood because we have no idea what to expect the first time around ~ irregardless of age. Maturity comes with experience.
I’m glad you’re able to look back and define where some of the pitfalls were and that just being a young mama didn’t mean you weren’t capable.
In fact, I think you’re a great mama!
ENJOY your 30’s…because they too, will go quickly 😉 And P.S…you’ll ROCK your 40s!
Happy Birthday my amazing friend. May you continue to own that you are enough as God made you, and may you continue to encourage others that they are enough as well!