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Resist: On Setting Boundaries

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boundaries

The good is always the enemy of the best. Oswald Chambers.

If you’re anything like me and in need of a reset in some part of your life, there’s a good chance that you also might have a hard time with boundaries.

Again intentions are good, but they are not enough.

We live in a crazy busy world with all kinds of ideas, opportunities, and information. It can be overwhelming especially when thinking about how we spend our time.

When we give our time to something, whether it be going offering to bake cookies for school bake sale or saying yes when asked if you would join a church committee of some sort, we are taking away time from something else.

So we must consider if this my best yes or is this just a good thing?

We must not confuse the command to love with the disease to please. -Lysa Terkeurst

I have a big extended family with lots of aunts, uncles and cousins so there is pretty much some birthday party or special family event happening almost every weekend.

When I was younger I let guilt influence my decisions and tried to attend as many events as I possibly could unless I was absolutely unable to. This led to stress and ultimately some resentment to the point where I couldn’t even enjoy going and spending time with family because I was thinking about the things I should be doing instead.

Once I became brave and learned about setting boundaries I started saying no. I love my family and enjoy spending time with them but I had to protect my own nuclear family’s time. When our boys are playing sports or we have other commitments with church or other priorities we just cannot attend. I still get guilt trips at times but have made it clear that it’s not personal, we just have other commitments or just need some margin in our schedule and cannot attend all events.

Saying  “no” can be hard especially if we have not grown up doing it. It might feel uncomfortable but we need to remember that our yeses are valuable and they will end up taking away time from something else.

Whenever you say yes to something there is less of you for something else. Make sure your yes is worth the less. -Louie Giglio

As we move forward with a reset let’s consider all of the options competing for our time and revisit our priorities and availability before signing up for something new or even continuing to participate in certain activities. Let’s resist the pressure of saying yes to everything that gets presented to us; the pressure to please others even.

It may be hard to say no, if it is practice with a friend or spouse first. It might feel uncomfortable but lets:

Choose discomfort over resentment. -Brene’ Brown

There are so many good things, let’s save our yeses for the BEST things. The things God has uniquely designed for each one of us.

For additional reading on setting boundaries I recommend:

The Best Yes -Lysa Terkeurst

The Gifts of Imperfection- Brene’ Brown

http://www.oprah.com/spirit/How-to-Set-Boundaries-Brene-Browns-Advice

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6 Comments

  1. I needed this – I’ve been asked to be on a committee at church, but I want/need to say no. It’s so hard for me! Thanks for helping me realize that I’m not alone!

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