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Repair: On the Hard Resets

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What is broken that needs to be re-set for healing (even if it hurts)?

Today we’re going to talk about some of the hard resets. The broken things or relationships in our lives.

Here’s the tricky part; relationships are a two-way street so the reality is that while you may be willing to mend a relationship the other party may not be.  I totally get that.

So what can be done? Try. Honestly we can only control ourselves and our own actions. If you are a place where you would like to seek reconciliation, can you approach this person with humility and open a door for healing?

Personally, I’m dealing with a hard relationship right now with a loved one. And I’m not sure exactly how to mend it. It seems that we are at an impasse where the other individual is making certain demands that I just cannot meet.

All I can do is express that while I love and care for this person very deeply; I am unable at this time to meet their needs. And then pray.

Because while I can’t heal every single thing in my life, I know the One who can. The great physician who can make all things whole. Once we have done our part, we can trust that it is in good hands.

It does hurt, this process of trying to mend a broken relationship. I want things to work out, I want there to be peace and resolution but I have to remember that certain injuries take time to heal. And I need to let God work and submit to His timing.

Maybe you need a reset in your marriage.

Marital fractures don’t heal themselves without guidance and the strategic investment of time. -Bill Hybels, Simplify

There may be scars from past hurts that may still linger or worse certain “injuries” that have never been fully addressed. Perhaps meeting with a counselor would be appropriate for mediation. Submitting to your significant other with openness and humility can go a long way.

Personally, when having difficult conversations I am careful to not put my husband in a position to feel defensive. I often start with “I’m going to be really vulnerable right now. . . “ and share a struggle I’m having or something that hurt me. That takes the pressure away from him and allows me to share openly while not attacking him.

Moving forward I pray that I will not be so easily offended. Sometimes we unwittingly make loved ones into enemies when they don’t deserve it.

The Really Hard Resets:

There may be times when our loved ones will respond to our attempts for a reset and over time there will be healing. However, there may be certain relationships that will remain broken for some time if not forever. And there may be some relationships that are just not healthy and may need to stay broken.

The thing is; we’ve been talking about a reset not a complete do over. There are no do overs in life. A reset allows for us to move forward from this point onward but we can’t undo or erase what has happened in the part. There are some things that we cannot repair, in such cases I still say pray and trust; God can work even in the most dire circumstances.

So when dealing with healing difficult relationships consider:

  • What part of the repair can you take responsibility for? If the other person not willing, what can you do to make it right?
  • What tools can you use? Some I recommend; time, humility, forgiveness, patience, love.
  • If we’ve tried and done our part, can we trust God to heal this relationship in His time?

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5 Comments

  1. Resets are really hard and sometimes I wish there were do overs. I so often would have needed one because it’s so much harder to deal with reality and it takes time to heal. But, I guess I reset is a good alternative. Thank you for this strong and inspiring post!

  2. I love all of this. For me the two most important points are, know that you can only change yourself, your actions, your reactions, and no one else’s, and that it truly is God who provides healing and peace, even if there is no closure in broken relationships. Such great insight you’ve provided!

  3. Mending broken relationships is definitely a difficult task. I am in a good place in my marriage, but for a long time I wasn’t. Allowing God to filter my responses and reactions to situations allowed me to see that sometimes, I was more at blame than I cared to admit… still yet, it is hard to forgive. A great post and a reminder that sometimes, you just have to take that first step and try, recognizing that if you do so, you’ve done your part.

  4. Great encouragement. There’s a lady in my life that refused to meet and follow Matthew 18 to resolve conflict. She just left the group we were in. Now we keep running into each other and it’s awkward. That’s why God encourages us to seek reconciliation. Keep going, fellow 31 Dayer! Home stretch time.

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