This was a hard post to write but I felt in my heart that it is important not only to share joys but also struggles. I had a different post planned for this week but things changed.
And then this morning I discovered this new link-up and I felt it was confirmation that I needed to share.
Sweet friends, yesterday was my birthday. I even had a birthday post ready to go but didn’t quite get to post it because you see instead of celebrating with a fun, restful day; I was called in to my son’s school because there was an incident.
And mamas if you’re like me and you’ve already had a few of “those calls”, you know they’re always trouble. They are always enough to make you just feel like the worst mom in the world.
And so I had to grab my little ones and head to the school, all the while circling ideas in my head about what he possible could have done to get in trouble.
It was bad.
And I wish I didn’t have to deal with the stuff. I wish I had perfect children who behaved and followed rules and made my life easy.
But I don’t and I think maybe God wishes that were true about all of us as well but we’re not.
I find it pretty remarkable that I was able to remain as calm and collected as I did. Truly it is the peace that surpasses all understanding and that can only come from putting my trust in Christ. Yes, I was (and am) angry, frustrated, overwhelmed.
Today, well I let myself be upset because sweet mamas we’re human, right? And things hurt. There’s this thing called pride and I struggle with finding what I could have done differently.
And like the disciples in John 9:2, I wondered what was causing the blindness in my own child?
His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind? “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him. John 9:2-3
I wonder if this all happens so that the works of God might be displayed. In my boy, in my own life. In all of the mamas out there who are struggling with wandering children?
The life of a mama, it’s one that requires a constant re-fueling of grace. We fill up by prayer, his word, others who speak life to us. And then sin enters and we start running low and need to fill up again. And on and on it goes.
And don’t we all struggle with loving on our children even through the sin? Even through the poor choices and the disobedience. We love and show grace.
But the Lord knows, He knows all too well what that’s like. He sees what’s in the heart and he sees the tears. He knows the child and He knows the mother.
That it this latest event happened on my birthday made it all the more disappointing and yet it was also humbling. Why had I assumed I deserved to have a carefree day just because it happened to be the anniversary of the day of my birth? Sin is sin and has no respect for months or days.
Sweet sisters, I don’t know how this will all play out for my boy. I don’t know if it’s what needed to happen for him to be able to focus and maybe make better decisions. I don’t know but God knows.
He knows my story and how it will unfold. He knows yours too and even if it doesn’t look anything like mine but you’re still feeling some kind of weary, I just want to encourage you because I know that:
“In all things (even in the being called into the principal’s office) God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called accordingto his purpose.” Romans 8:28