This week I have been busy preparing to speak at MOPS. My message on Aligned Parenting which is based on my workbook is about getting clear on our family values. Like really clear. Not just a general idea but specifics.
What do we want our family to be about and how are we going to make that happen?
As I was preparing and going over my notes, I realized (as usual) that I’m the one that needs my message the most.
I’ve learned how important having clear values is by NOT doing it and then regretting it later on. So I’m passionate about sharing this message with families in the hopes that they can learn from my mistakes.
Unclear values have led me to follow what others are doing rather than look deeply at what we want our family to be about.
But the greatest challenge with values for me has been this: trying to make everything important.
Which can lead to trying to do it all and then getting frustrated at not being able to or worse getting stuck in analysis paralysis because I can’t do it all so I freeze. Anyone else?
Actually as I shared at MOPS yesterday I had several moms tell me that this is a real struggle for them too so I know it is a challenge for many of us.
I’ll admit I have gotten better at this, to the point where I was able to write the workbook and can say with confidence that we really do try to focus on living out our values.
But, the “importants” are sneaky and really do start piling up so I can easily get overwhelmed by all of the things I want; for myself and for our family.
Discipline is choosing between what you want now and what you want most.”
I’m not exactly sure who said that, it’s been credited to a few different people but it’s sort of become my mantra.
Because I’m realizing how important it is to apply a sort of funnel to all of the things we think are priorities. And unfortunately the yes to our most important will always cost a no to the lesser importants.
There are a lot of things I want but I must be willing to sacrifice somethings for what I want most, at least for a season.
- I really want to grow my business and write more but I value home educating our children and teaching them to be critical thinkers even more.
- I want to be comfortable and sleep in but I value my faith more than anything so I’m willing to wake up at 5am to have some quiet time.
- I want to buy a lot of cute stuff, but I want to live out our value of simplicity and not be bound to possessions.
- I want to numb by scrolling on social media and seeing what EVERYONE is doing, but I want to pour into my real life relationships more and be there for the people I actually do life with.
- I want my kids to like me but I want them to grow up to be responsible adults more so I have to make choices that they won’t always be happy with.
I’m becoming convinced that we’re not actually busier people these days but rather we just have more options for how to fill our time. So we must really be intentional about determining how we will spend it.
Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it (NIV) Matthew 13:45-46
What’s your pearl?
Because once we determine what we value most, we must accept that it will come at a cost.
I know this is not easy so I created a values funnel as a resource to help sort through what you want and what you want most. . .
Get your values funnel here